How One Conversation Changed My Life
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Something incredible happened to me two weeks ago that I really want to share with you. It’s honestly changed my life. It also helped me to write this post: How to Appreciate and Love Yourself When Others Hurt You.
Most of the self-improvement and inspirational gurus will tell you that in order to accomplish things you have to first believe you can.
“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world,” ~ Buddha.
You have to believe in yourself. While that’s definitely true, I’ve never been able to do it. Until now.
A Frustrating Conversation
Two weeks ago, I was talking to an old friend of mine on the phone. We chatted like we always do until she said something that struck me deeply. In a bad way. To the point that I didn’t want to talk to her anymore and needed to get off the phone.
I hung up and sat there a moment. It was another reminder of my failures and what I wasn’t doing. My heart ached.
I trudged into my bathroom as the tears flowed. Shame punched me in the gut as old questions and emotions bubbled up inside of me. Why wasn’t I good enough? What was wrong with me?
I hugged myself as anger overwhelmed me. Why did she always do this? Why? It wasn’t fair.
I was falling into my downward spiral. The one where I’d beat myself up over and over for all the things I was doing wrong.
Until Something Snapped
It was such a strong emotion that I stopped and stared at the tile floor.
I rubbed my eyes, sniffed, and allowed the feeling to wash over me. Words flooded into my mind.
I won’t do this again. I’m not going to make myself feel like this. I’m worth more than that.
I stood up and gazed at my puffy eyed self in the mirror.
You’re beautiful. The words were so strong in my mind. I actually believed them. It doesn’t matter what she says. It doesn’t matter what she thinks. I’m on your side.
That made me blink and smile. I’m still going to love you and accept you no matter what.
This wasn’t God. I’ve felt his influence and love for me before, but this was different. This was me.
For the first time in my life, I looked at myself in the mirror, grinned, and believed every word.
My anger evaporated and a calm settled over me. For the first time in my life, I actually believed my best was good enough. For the first time, I believed that I could follow my dreams.
In One Moment, My Life Changed
How many years have I beat myself down? Saying horrible things to myself that I’d never say to my friends or family? That I should exercise more, lose weight, eat healthier, dress better, sleep more, etc. etc. How many times have I looked at myself and been disappointed?
It was amazing. Freeing. It led me to My First Solo Trip.
It’s leading me to continue working on this blog. It’s helping me to do things that I’ve never done before and I can’t wait for what the future will bring!
Now, looking back on that conversation, I know my friend wasn’t trying to hurt me. I know that if she had realized how her words would’ve affected me, she wouldn’t have said anything.
But you know what? I’m grateful for that conversation. I’m grateful that I can sit here and write this post and still feel that yes, I am going to fight for myself. I’m not going to let myself fall by the wayside.
Not only is God rooting for me, but I’m rooting for myself. Sounds kinda weird, but it’s true. You can either be your worst enemy, or your best friend and I know which option I prefer.
Honestly, I can’t tell you exactly how I got to this point. There are so many stories I could share, so many experiences, moments, emotions wrapped up into this that it would take me pages and pages to explain how I made it here.
However, I do know where it began.
I wanted it.
I wanted to be happy. No matter what it took, I was going to get it. I would read. I would study. I would see a therapist. I would turn to God. I would get out of my comfort zone. I would talk to people. I would share my heart.
Nothing was going to stop me.
So, my friend, if you want to get somewhere, I’m here to tell you that you have to want it. Want it with all your heart and fight to find a way. Fight to believe. Fight to rise above where you are and soar to where you want to be.
You will fall. You will fail. (I sure have, and I still will :P) But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you get up and keep going!
It’s worth it.
Hey, thanks for taking the time to read this post. I’d really appreciate it if you shared any thoughts you have about this in the comments below.
Do you struggle to fight for yourself? Why or why not? What dreams are you working towards?
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Also, have a beautiful day.